Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Retiring Blogger

Oh you fucking bloggers. All legends in your own minds. You write your meaningless little posts about god knows what thinking that the 20-30 people who have your blog in their reader actually care about what you have so to say.

Silly bloggers and their egos. Don't you know? Nobody fucking cares. Have you ever noticed the only people who comment are other bloggers? They don't give a fuck about what you're writing, they're just commenting so other people will follow that comment back to their own blog.

It's funny that most bloggers have the lowest self-esteem of any person you'll ever meet in real life. But in the blogger world, once they sign up for wordpress and get a few comments they suddenly think they're the next Earnest Fucking Hemmingway.

But no one, I mean NO ONE, is more egotistical than the retiring blogger. Our example today is this cheesedick known only as ARJEWTINO (I know, I know.. it's very clever).

This loser, like so many others saw a friend (also a loser) written up in the Express and thought maybe he could something like that too:

"I started blogging in July 2006 after finding my friend Shiftless Badger’s blog cited in The Express newspaper. I thought, “I can do that!” So I did."

Of course you can do that! Any retard with a 2nd grade education can signup for a blog on blogspot and start writing. Glad to see you're setting the bar so high for yourself...

Anyway, he goes on to talk about the "DC Blogging Scene" and how amazing all the people are how he wished he could have banged more fat blogger chicks with daddy complexes (ok, I'm reading between the lines a little there).

He basically jerks himself off for about 3-4 paragraphs but not before he drops the biggest ego bomb of all; he calls himself famous. Really? Famous?

"I became what one friend called “famous” but for reasons I never quite understood. Famous for blogging?"

I guess the definition of famous has gotten loser than a blogger girl's morals at a blogger happy hour.

Arjewtino finally wraps it all up by giving his 150 loyal readers a real treat. He tells him his real first name:

One last thing. Anonymity is a wonderful thing on the Internet. If you don’t agree, find out what cache is and then get back to me. Still, I can’t end this without one final reveal.

My name is Iván. Good to meet you.

Hi Ivan! OMG, I would never guessed your name was Ivan! But then again, I don't have to guess. Because any person with half a brain would see that you own a domain name (arjewtino.com). And when you registered that domain name you did so with your full name and what looks like your home address.

Don't believe me? Go check out http://allwhois.com and type in arjewtino.com

Enjoy your retirement Ivan. Thank you for removing yet another boring, meaningless fucking blog off of the Internet.